


Masked Potatoes

by SarcasmLand



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Gen, Minecraft physics as a plot device, No ships because ew, Not Canon Compliant, Oh also, Potato Farming, Training Montage, Will update tags, also don't know how to tag, canon who's canon? I don't know them, no beta I have no friends, probably a training montage at some point, technoblade wears a pig mask because I'm boring, the violence warning is for training and fighting zombies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:26:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 12,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28136907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SarcasmLand/pseuds/SarcasmLand
Summary: Someone is camping on Technoblade's land without permission. Someone who's used to running, but not fighting. Someone who is a child, which is utterly inconvenient.Coincidentally, this someone also wears a mask. And he is intent on overstaying his welcome.(and things spiral from there)
Relationships: Clay | Dream & Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), No Romantic Relationship(s)
Comments: 70
Kudos: 270





	1. A Trespasser

**Author's Note:**

> Look, I'm a sucker for a good training montage, or even a bad one, but I have to warn anyone who reads this that I've never finished a fic in my life and although I really like this idea, I might not tomorrow. I really hope I will though!
> 
> Anyway. This is not going to be about lore or canon for the most part. I might shove in some aspects that I like, but this is mostly me exploring two awesome characters and trying not to ruin them.
> 
> [credit to my friend who doesn't even like fanfiction for the genius title "Masked Potatoes"]
> 
> (and of course if any of the people behind the personas say that this kind of stuff isn't ok I'll take it down)

The forest in which the Blood God walks is as quiet as it was before he came. There are many legends of this man who weaves between the trees in regal furs and battle gear, but let no one say that he is not quiet when he wants to be. And he wants to be. Technoblade is only out for some casual deforestation before his nightly killing spree, but that’s no reason to be careless. So he is quiet.

He finds a tree whose grain and height suit his purposes a little ways into the forest, and after taking a final glance around the area, he takes out his axe.

_Thunk_.

Violence quiets the voices in his head.

 _Thunk_.

Even if it’s just against the trees.

 _Thunk_.

He works his way up the tree until the leaves start to fall around him, then jumps down from his perch on a neighboring branch to collect the wood. High ground in an empty forest is still high ground that can be exploited, and Technoblade does not intend on dying today anymore than he did yesterday, the day before, or any day before that. Technoblade doesn’t die, not ever, so when he notices a strange shadow on the ground where there shouldn’t have been one, his hand finds its way to the hilt of his sword before his brain can register the cause of the dark spot on the forest floor. It’s cobblestone, floating in the air where it had clearly once rested on a tree – a tree that is very much in pieces in Techno’s pack at the moment.

 _Someone has been here recently_. Someone reckless, sure – reckless enough to leave a trace of their presence on land owned by the Blade, and someone clearly unacquainted with the dangers of high ground, but someone is here, on Technoblade’s land, and from the look of the crisscrossing cobblestone trails on the treetops, they’ve been here a while. Or they’re just really, really bad at jumping. Or they have an unhealthy obsession with cobblestone. Whatever it is, Techno is going to find them.

Scaling a nearby tree, Techno picks a spot where the most cobblestone roads seem to converge. He marks the spot in his mind and gets back on the ground before heading in that direction. Not for the first time does he snort lightly at the mental image of a GPS in a pig mask and crown, but he quiets himself. The spot he saw from above should be near, and if someone has managed to escape detection in Technoblade's forest for this long, even someone with a cobblestone problem, he needs to be on his guard.

Techno hears what sounds like nervous scuffling from the other side of this tree (or maybe his forest just has a raccoon infestation, you never know) and he whirls around the tree only to see a blur of green disappearing from the clearing. Left behind is a still-burning furnace, an overturned chest, and a hastily dropped shovel. Nothing valuable, and certainly no clues about the green blur here – so Techno gives chase. The trespasser is fast, faster than Techno's usual opponents, and is up on the treetops again before Techno can get his bearings. Once he does, he's almost a little impressed. The green kid – and he is a kid, Techno realizes once they're at the same altitude – is clearly experienced at running away. Compared to Techno's armor and cloak, he's travelling light, and making good use of his advantage. If it weren't for his overreliance on cobblestone, and Techno's superior knowledge of the forest, Techno might almost be worried. But the pig-masked man can already tell that he'll catch up eventually. The child's sweater is fraying at the seams, which is not ideal for a path made of tree branches, and although he doesn't seem too exhausted yet, no one can run forever.

Except maybe Technoblade.

This child is going _down_.

_**timeskip asterisks**_

Half an hour into the chase, Techno is starting to think he might need to revise his mental list of infinity runners. The green kid knows what he's doing. Even though they've been circling the same treetops for almost 45 minutes, he doesn't seem to be tiring, and Techno hasn't gotten close to catching him once. On top of that – how much cobblestone can one kid carry? He must be the cobblestone king, Techno thinks to himself absently. He's the ruler of a land made entirely of cobblestone, and he's come to establish dominance over a poor vigilante-turned-potato-farmer, and the cobblestone reinforcements will arrive soon, and the voices will call for blood – Techno shakes himself out of his head and turns his focus back to the child, who has finally decided to try and run away, rather than around in a circle. Unfortunately for the green boy, however, he's heading towards the place where Techno first saw his cobblestone – where there's a tree missing, which Techno knows, but green boy doesn't. Techno's grin grows even wider as the kid switches to jumping on dirt. _Green boy is out of cobblestone_.

It's almost night as Technoblade finally catches up to the child trespassing on his property. Once he gets close enough to grab the kid's hood, it's over. He hauls green boy down to the forest floor and up onto a convenient tree stump to hold him at eye level, and finally gets a good look at green boy's face. Or rather, mask. It's plain and iron-colored with two eyeholes and no nose or mouth, nothing like Techno's pig skull monstrosity. Still ugly, though. Techno wonders idly if masks are a sign of a bad fashion sense – no, that's impossible.

Masked man stares at masked boy as the sun begins to set.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp. I hope this gets updated in the future. Luckily, I'm starting at a good time, so I might actually have time to work on it. If I do update I'll try to do so within a week.  
> Please let me know if there were any errors, I don't want to subject any of my friends to this garbage so there's only one pair of eyes proofreading.  
> Comments are always appreciated!


	2. Green Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Techno fights some zombies, and Dream watches...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I actually wrote another chapter! Weird, right? I'm not used to feeling this productive.
> 
> Heads up that this chapter is where the "Graphic Descriptions of Violence" thing comes in a little heavier - Techno's gonna fight some zombies, and since I have no idea how fighting zombies works, my writing style tends towards gory poetry.  
> Also, cw for a mention of a panic attack. (Very much in passing, but you can avoid it by stopping at "The kid is terrified" and keep going at "Techno looks up")
> 
> Lemme know if there's anything else I should add!

Green Boy hasn't answered a single one of Technoblade's questions, not even "what's your name?" so Green Boy it is. At least he's mostly given up at trying to wriggle out of Techno's grip. _Mostly_.

"Kid, if you're not going to tell me what you're doing here, I'm not going to let you go. Simple as that." The boy doesn't even move. "Simple as that," Techno repeats, because maybe the kid didn't hear, or maybe he doubts the stubbornness of the Blood God, which is just not gonna fly. Techno has all day. All night, even, as long as he can get some zombie slaughter in along the way. Sate the voices and all.

They stand in silence for a while, Techno refusing to take his attention off of Green Boy and Green Boy refusing to move. Which is why when Green Boy finally does move, Techno almost drops the kid in surprise. He's shaking. Green Boy is shaking, and even with that mask, Techno can tell that this is no escape ploy. The kid is terrified.

"What's goin' on, Green Boy?" he asks, after giving the surrounding area a scouring glare. There's nothing he can see to be worried about, but the kid is still scared, which could mean that he sees something Techno doesn't, or he's having a panic attack, or maybe a raccoon crawled up his shirt where Techno couldn't see it. He's rocking back and forth in Techno's grip, gaining alarming amounts of momentum until suddenly his arm is free and Techno grunts and slams it back down but not before Green Boy points to the sky with a shaking finger.

Techno looks up. There's not much to be seen in the dimming light, but –

 _Oh_.

Nighttime. Of course. Techno shouldn't be surprised, he's been chasing this kid all day now, but it's still a disappointing reminder that Green Boy has wasted his entire deforestation day. Better to get this kid off Techno's property before night falls completely. Techno sighs, lifts up the boy by his collar like a mother dog, and turns to leave the forest.

He walks about two feet before he comes face to face with a zombie.

The kid screams. Shrieks, at a freakishly high frequency that alarms even Techno, who is not unaccustomed to screaming. Green Boy seems to be trying to run from the zombie, which would be a great plan if his feet were on the ground, but Techno is still holding him up in the air. More mobs are spawning, too, and the child in Techno's hands is like a giant green blinking arrow calling all hostile forces in the area to their location. With a long, drawn-out groan, Techno digs the kid a hole in the ground and drops him in unceremoniously, trusting that Green Boy won't be in any position to escape after five solid minutes of quaking in fear.

"Block yourself in if you want to," he calls down into the shadowy pit. "If not - try not to get too traumatized, small child. I'm gonna take care of these monsters."

And with that, Techno's sword settles easily into his hand, and the voices start to mutter a little louder than before because _yes_ , voices, it _'s finally time for violence_ , he thinks at them, and he dives into the fold.

There is something distinctly poetic, Techno thinks as he runs through a zombie with his sword, about the squelch of metal into flesh which sparks a wave of adrenaline and a fire behind his eyes. The movements of skeletons are easy to predict, and even the hiss of a creeper behind him is warning enough to spin around and cut it down, but Techno never finds mob killing boring. Another night, another chance to prove that he hasn't gone soft yet. Another day to live.

_Technoblade never dies. Blood for the Blood God._

After the initial rush, Techno lets his mind wander. As bones clatter to the ground and low, dead groans are cut short by a sweep of netherite, his brain starts calculating this month's potato output. If he doesn't waste any more days like this one, he might have a chance of increasing his lead for the county fair. Knock Squid from the village down a few pegs. Speaking of which, his own ego's probably getting out of hand, but Techno's sure something will pop up in the next few days to take it down again. Like the green kid. He's living proof that Techno should at least know how to run in three cloaks and full netherite if he insists on wearing it all the time. And _wow_ , can he scream. Techno has a grudging appreciation for the wonders of the human body, but sometimes he wishes it would be a little less loud. At least he'll be gone soon, Techno thinks to himself. He mentally plans a careful route through his land to get the boy out and away without laying eyes on Techno's potato farm.

A zombie skull crumbles into dust on the ground, and with that, the monster party caused by the masked boy's screaming is taken care of. The path Techno has in mind is probably short enough to get to without alerting too many mobs, and he'll be able to take the ones that notice him one-handed if necessary. It's been a long, unproductive day, and Green Boy's just gonna have to deal with a front-row seat to some light slaughter.

Techno turns towards the hole where he'd dropped Green Boy. To his surprise, the kid is still there – and evidently, he hadn't listened when Techno told him to cover up. The eyeholes of his mask are just peeking out of the hole. He's standing stock-still, gazing up at Technoblade, but for all Techno can see of his face, he might be asleep. Maybe he's in shock.

Techno shakes the gunpowder and entrails off his shoulders and picks up the kid again. Green Boy struggles a little, but the day's chase seems to have finally caught up with him. Techno realizes, very belatedly, in retrospect, that this is not the first green boy – or man, really – who he's met. And as he stares at Green Boy's tiny body, now shaking itself awake repeatedly in his hands, Techno makes another unfortunate realization. If he dumps this kid outside and alone right now, he won't last long. And if either of the other green men in Techno's life ever found out about that… it takes a lot to make the Blood God shudder.

Techno turns towards the potato barn.

_*timeskip asterisks*_

Technoblade leaves Green Boy on a haybale and goes outside to kill more mobs – the voices don't like the break, but _he_ controls _them_ – not the other way around. He falls into an easier rhythm now that there isn't a tiny child screaming behind him, stabbing and shattering and splitting creepers down the middle with his sword. When morning comes, he's standing in a pile of gunpowder, bones, and rotting flesh. He sweeps it all into his pack - rotten flesh not included - before turning to the barn. Immediately, his eyes were drawn to the barn window, where a mouthless mask stared back at him. Had the kid been watching him all night? Techno was sure he'd fallen asleep at some point. Whatever. At least the kid hasn't seen his actual house, or the potato farm, which was behind the barn. No one could use him to get to Techno. For now, though, Techno hasn't slept in at least 48 hours, and he would really like Green Boy off his property, today.

He stalked upstairs, grabbed Green Boy by the arm, and started towards the edge of the forest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this one. I've stopped myself from writing five paragraphs of disclaimers, but there's a lot I don't like about it. But Other Than That, I just want to point out how amazing (and disturbingly fast) this fandom is. I didn't think there were bots on ao3, but I also got two kudos on this about a minute after posting, when I doubt the fic was even showing up. Can people read that fast?  
> Just... Thank you, so much, to anyone who's reading this.
> 
> Aaaanyway,  
> Next Up: Dream's perspective?? Oh? Interesting? Yes? No? Too late, I've already written most of it.
> 
> That being said, updates may slow down. I wanted to get this out there to fix the ao3 chapter system, and I do have a lot written, but I want to make sure I won't have to do any retconning in the future so... Look, I'm scared of deadlines so I'm not going to impose a schedule.
> 
> Comments are always appreciated, especially if there are typos I should fix!


	3. The Boy in the Mask, part 1: A quick cliffhanger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> >:)

Techno lifts the kid over his front gate and deposits him gently on the other side. Green Boy just stares at him from the other side of the fence.  
"Listen small child, you're not going to get very far with puppy dog eyes if I can't see your face. Please just leave so I can get back to my farm."  
Green Boy's eye holes stare back at him intently. The child hesitates.  
And then, with cat-like agility, he leaps over the fence and grabs blindly at Techno's belt until his hands find Techno's last strength potion, which he carefully pours out onto the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, the next chapter will be up in like half an hour
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this one :)


	4. The Boy in the Mask, part 2: Techno is Reasonable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So... that happened.

Technoblade, the Blood God, the Emperor of Antarctica, the Potato King, blinks. Thanks to Techno's paranoid instincts, Green Boy is already in his hands again, feet wildly searching for the ground below him, and the confidence the kid showed about two seconds ago when he _smashed Techno's strength potion_ is gone.

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR?" Techno asks in the most reasonable tone he can muster.

Green Boy's mask falls a few degrees askew, exposing a very wide, very much terrified, very green eye. For a moment, Techno thinks he's gonna be treated to another screech. But instead, the boy shoves the mask back up with his chin and stops struggling, drawing himself up with a shred of dignity.

"There," he says, seeming satisfied with his actions. "Now I've stolen from you."

It's the first coherent thing he's said out loud. That's a… choice. Techno stares at the child in his hands, who is apparently more insane than Techno suspected.

"Look in my pocket," Green Boy says, a little desperately. "There's tools. I stole those from you too, I took the resources from your forest, I --" He falls silent as Techno shakes him a few times.

"Okay," says the potato farmer. "Now that you're feeling better, care to take back any of what you just said? You only get this one chance."

Green Boy lets out an audible gulp as Techno's grip tightens, but he shakes his head.

"I stole from you," he says. "And that stuff was valuable, right? So -- _stop shaking me, please!_ \-- let me work off my debt to you! I'll stay here and do whatever you need, until you decide the debt's paid off."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YEs I DID Decide to post three mini-chapters in one day instead of one well-written and properly constructed chapter, why do you ask?


	5. The Boy in the Mask, part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little Dream POV, plus actual plot. Crazy, I know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're gonna be doing some Backstory and Angst in this one so be careful and let me know if there's anything specific I should warn about.

Dream has been running all his life. He's gotten good at it, too. He can escape from anywhere at any time of day or night, and he's never gotten close enough to a zombie to smell its stench. He learns that people give up on chasing you after a while.

Dream is fast. Faster than the raiders, faster than his brothers, faster than the wolves. More importantly (to his stomach, anyway) Dream is faster than every shopkeeper he's ever come across. People used to try to help, but they couldn't keep up.

And Dream knows how to hide. He's quiet, and small, and he learns not to leave things behind, especially when he's near a village, and people could find him. He learns to hide his face, even though the mask is easier to spot, because it hurts a little less when they hate someone fake. And Dream knows that he shouldn't have stayed so long in the forest, that someone would find him eventually, but the temperature was perfect, and there was so much space, and before he knew it, four nights had passed – the longest he'd slept in one hiding spot in years. He was starting to get comfortable. Too comfortable.

Dream is good at running, and there's no reason to assume he won't be faster than a strange crazy person in a pig mask and crown.

He is wrong.

He judges the situation wrong in every possible way. He hears the pig man long before he starts running, choosing instead to grab the supplies he's accumulated over these four days. He's fast at mining, too, but it's not easy, and he'd prefer not to get this much iron again at his next spot. He only leaves a shovel behind, and even that tugs at his heart a little.

An hour later, Dream is praying to every deity he's ever heard the name of for the ability to go back in time and leave the damn stuff. He hasn't been caught, really caught, in a very long time, and he's starting to remember why he hates it so much. The man in the pig mask will not stop asking questions as if Dream's done something worse than sit on top of a tree for a few days, and Dream resolves to never stop running, ever again, if only he can get out of this pig-man's iron grip. And then the sun set, and there were zombies, and all Dream can think is run, run, run, don't let it be like last time, but then the pig man puts him in a hole and… fights away the monsters.

Dream is good at running, but he is not a fighter. _Not yet_ , he adds to himself as he watches the man in the pig mask. There's something strange brewing in the depths of the masked boy's mind that wants to stay right here, watching this stranger fight, for the rest of his life. Dream doesn't run from it. In another life, with fewer raiders and more villagers, he might have been a librarian, or a lord, or a folktale. Here he's just a shivering child in a faded green hoodie smeared with dirt and sweat, and for the first time in years, he feels _safe_.

So when his nap on the haystack is a fast-fading memory, when the man in the pig mask pushes him over the fence and out towards a fairly pleasant looking field, Dream hesitates. He'd wanted to run just hours ago, but something has died at the hands of the pig-man's diamond sword, and Dream has stepped into its place. He doesn't want this to be the last time he sees the pig mask. He doesn't want to run away. He steps back towards the man, who shakes his head and puts a hand on his sword.

"Get off my property," he grumbles, and Dream hasn't wasted such a perfect opportunity to escape in forever, but – his luck will run out someday. He can feel how lucky he's been, how the odds tend to align in his favor, the way doors sometimes open as he rushes towards them, the way mobs tend to look the other way. Dream's getting older, and bigger, and louder, and his luck is going to run out, and this man knows how to fight. He's better than all the soldiers in the villages Dream has come across. He doesn't flinch at the sunset like everyone else. He is _terrifying_.

Dream does not want to run from him.

Dream leaps over the fence and grabs blindly at the belt of the man who's saved him, dodging every blow until he can grab a bottle of glowing liquid off its hook and pour it onto the ground.

_*back to where we were asterisks*_

Techno's heart sinks as he realizes he isn't dealing with a kleptomaniac. Just a child. A scared child who was probably sleeping in Techno's forest for a reason. "Whatever you need" is not the kind of offer one just lets go, even if it's from someone smaller and skinnier than Techno's rake. You can never have too much help at a potato farm.

The man in a pig mask snorts, and picks up the green boy again. "I hope you know what you're getting into," he says. "Back to the potato barn we go."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. I'm very very sorry for this weird three part chapter thing I did, this part of the story kept punching back and I didn't really know what to do about it. I hope some semblance of coherency can shine through, but we'll see.  
> 2\. I did promise Dream's perspective, back when I was planning to post all three chapters together, remember? See, I didn't lie. I just didn't know what was happening yet!  
> 3\. Thank you so much to everyone who is reading this, I've had writer's block for something like a year now and you all are helping me fight it, one weird Minecraft reference at a time.  
> 4\. Soon I'm gonna have to write sword fights. I do not know how to write sword fights. Wish me luck!  
> 5\. Feel more than free to let me know if there are any typos. In fact, please do.


	6. Pig-Mask and Green Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Technoblade owns one hell of a potato farm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think Dream's POV likes me very much, but I did my best. Hope you like it!

No, Dream did not know what he was getting into. Pig-Mask gives Dream a tour of his potato farm, which is colossal, and clearly crossed the threshold into smelling more like fertilizer than grass and flowers long ago. Row after row of potato plants stretch into the horizon, interrupted only by the occasional footpath or compost bin. Dream is really starting to wonder about the sanity of the man he's just indebted himself to, and the wisdom of his life decisions. Still, out of sheer stubbornness (and absolutely not fear), he dutifully follows the masked man down every potato-lined path, taking careful mental notes on their placement and names as Pig-Mask helpfully points out the cardinal directions.

"That's the west potato field," he says, pointing at a swath of land. "That's the east potato field," he says, pointing in the opposite direction. A while later, as the sun is rising to its apex, they reach the north potato field, which Pig-Mask points out in a similarly eloquent fashion.

"The south field is way behind us, on the other side of the property, behind the barn, around the place you stole my potion. That's where I would have been working today."

Dream nearly shivers at the steel in Pig-Mask's voice as those iron tusks turn up into the air thoughtfully for a moment. "We should probably go back there. It's almost noon, there's still time to get some harvesting in." Pig-Mask starts walking, brushing past Dream with barely a glance. Dream follows with anxiety brewing in his stomach.

Dream did not know what he was getting into, but he's sure as hell that it's different from anything he's gotten himself into before. Now that he can no longer blame pig-man's silence on fear or frustration, Dream is starting to notice that he really doesn't talk much. That's not gonna fly with the boy in the mask. Dream did not risk his life and liberty just to watch some asshole farm potatoes, so whether or not Pig-Mask knows it, Dream is going to learn from him. If he's really going to spend the next chapter of his life in this potato field, he's going to make it worth his while.

He waits until they reach the south field, just after noon. It's the same as all the other fields, plus a pile of waiting barrels on the edge of the furrows. As Pig-mask takes a barrel off the pile and starts loading potatoes in, Dream makes his move.

"Need any help?" he calls out to Pig-Mask. Pig-Mask turns to him. Stares, as if he'd forgotten Dream was there. Shrugs.

"Grab a barrel," says a voice from somewhere behind the tusks. "Don't bruise the potatoes too much. When it's full – and I mean full, I can't afford to spend every other day on barrel-making – take it to the barn. There's a stack of full barrels in there."

"And I leave it on that stack?" Dream imagines flat curiosity radiating from his mask.

"Yes," Pig-Mask says with a tilt of the head, as if he hadn't realized that was a fact worth questioning. Dream shrugs off his confusion and goes for a barrel. It's heavier than he expected, and he wonders with no small amount of anxiety if he'll even be able to carry this thing when it's full of potatoes. Pig-Mask is already heading towards the barn with his first load as Dream begins to pick potatoes. This kind of tedium isn't new to him. As someone who starts over every two days, Dream is used to gathering resources. It's the sheer enormity of this field and the barrel that's starting to tire him out.

When he finally can't fit one more potato in, his back makes an audible protest at standing up, and his stomach grumbles right back. As expected, the barrel is impossible to lift. Worrying that rolling might bruise the potatoes, Dream decides to opt for the "inch at a time" method. Pig-Mask raises his eyebrows as he passes by at a caterpillar's pace, but says nothing. In this particular instance, Dream appreciates this. Surely a little slow travel won't hurt the potatoes, and that anyone else in his position would have done the same. To complete the picture of confidence, he nods casually at Pig-Mask on his way into the barn.

By the time Dream and his barrel of potatoes make it to the back of the barn, Pig-Mask is already back with another load. He waits for Dream to finish carefully balancing his barrel against another, then stacks his own on top of it. Dream looks at him, unsure of what to say. His stomach speaks for him. A low squelch, far louder than it has any right to be, draws the attention of both humans in the barn. Dream is hungry. _Oh, right_.

"Oh, right." He looks up at Pig-Mask. "Should I take one from the barr--" Pig-Mask grabs his arm before it's halfway to the barrel's lid and rummages in his bag. He hands over a loaf of bread and an apple from somewhere deep inside its pockets and meets Dream's eyes through both their masks. When he speaks, the composure in his voice frays at the edges.

"My raw potato count is two million, three hundred sixty-five thousand, four-hundred and ninety-nine. Move one and the whole system comes crashing down."

"Got it," says Dream warily, remembering the question of sanity. "I'll eat outside, then, to make sure the potatoes stay safe."

Something in Pig-Mask's shoulders tenses, then relaxes.

On the sun-spotted floor of the barn, Pig-Mask lets go of Dream's arm and nods, drawing himself up regally.

"I'm Technoblade."

Dream holds out his hand. "My name is Dream," Pig-Mask stares at the offered limb, then nods.

Dream puts his hand down. Behind the mask, he's smiling. He's gonna have to do something about that soon.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of wonderfully inconvenient and sad events coincided to make this chapter late, but I'm choosing to focus on the thing that made me push through all those pitfalls: 100 kudos?! WHAT? I have been internally screaming with happiness since I reloaded the page and saw it. Rest assured that I have screenshots. Many screenshots.  
> I'm so grateful for all the support - many thanks. ~~and many apologies for this crap of a chapter.~~
> 
> _(P.S. I finished this at like 2AM so there are probably typos - let me know please?)_


	7. technoblade dies [inside.]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dream asks a lot of questions and is not easily intimidated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ignore existential rambling near the end please

Techno has to admire the kid's guts.

To steal from a fully armed man three times his size, then turn around and try to turn the situation to his _advantage_ …

That took courage. Stupid, instinctive, barely calculated courage. Green Boy -- _Dream_ \-- acted at the time like he was some kind of manipulative genius, but Techno knows that a few years back, in the same situation, the child would probably be dead by now. He's freakishly lucky, on a level that reminds Techno a little of himself, but Techno doesn't need luck anymore. He has his potatoes, his horses, and a plethora of valuables that the villagers would probably kill for. And now he has a kid.

Dream, who is small and thin as a rail and devours his morning potatoes with admirable ferociousness, who refuses to take off that eyesore of a sweater, hasn't yet spent an (official) week in Techno's custody. He still trembles under the weight of a barrel of potatoes, and Techno almost offers to help him before remembering why he's here in the first place. Not that he's particularly upset about the strength potion – that one had been on his belt for five years, and he'd only drunk the last one in a last-minute effort to increase his potato stock before market day. But it never hurts to be prepared, and it does often hurt to fight blazes that would have been unnecessary before certain masked children interfered.

As much as he respects Dream's confidence, though, Techno finds himself wondering when the kid became so _loud_. He'd stayed terrified for approximately half a day and since then he's proceeded to fill every waking moment of Techno's day with questions.

"What was that for?" _("To cook the potatoes.")_

"How did you do that?" _("By… doing it?")_

"Can you teach me how to do that?" _("No.")_

"Can I help?" _("Probably not, if we're being honest.")_

"Can you teach me how to do _that_?" _("No.")_

"Can I come?" _("Fine.")_

"What's the crown for?" comes at some point near the end of the third day. Apparently, the kid hadn't noticed the giant gold ring yet. Techno doesn't answer.

"Can you teach me how to do that?" _("No.")_

"What is it with you and potatoes?" Techno doesn't answer that one, either.

"Can you teach me how to do _that_?"

… Techno is starting to notice a pattern.

He doesn't want to believe it at first, but when he wakes up with the question ringing in his ears, Techno has to admit to himself that Dream has decided Techno's his teacher now, rather than a terrifying masked soldier turned potato farmer. Once he's noticed this, more puzzle pieces start falling into place. For one thing, this would certainly explain the impulse to demand to stay with a man who had just chased him off his property. And the notable absence of "help" from Dream's otherwise infinite question-related vocabulary. And all the times he's caught the kid staring at the sword on Techno's belt for alarming periods of time. And all the questions, of course. But it takes one of Dream's more intense interrogations for Techno to realize the most inconvenient consequence of Green Boy's motivations.

"If the number of questions you've asked me gets higher than the number of potatoes you harvest, I am going to stab you," Technoblade deadpans, and remembers those eyes on his sword a moment too late. His fears are confirmed when the kid seems to grow two feet at the suggestion of fighting Techno, which is definitely not the reaction Techno was going for. He groans and points Dream back to the potato field with a glare.

Now, Techno is nothing if not capable at sizing up his opponents, and after a week he's fairly confident that he won't kill this child. After all, Carl is a living creature, and potatoes are living vegetables, and Techno's kept not only them, but also himself alive for years, so how much harder can this Dream kid be? Techno is starting to realize that calculating life rather than death is surprisingly interesting. Death ends. Life is a never-ending equation, and it has a number of viable outcomes, like happiness and strength and success, and anyway, the point is that Techno's content to let Green Boy carry a couple potato barrels, for his sins. Just to scare him, since nothing else will.

After all, Dream isn't Techno's kid.

Not a student, of course. Son hasn't even crossed his mind.

Technoblade slams the iron tusks of his mask against the doorframe in his room and tries not to imagine the look on Phil's face when he hears about this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't care that it's short and late I'm just relieved to be writing from Techno's POV again because Dream is confident, and I have no fucking idea how confident brains work.  
> \- shoutout to Ranboo's streams which have become my cue to start writing  
> \- less of a shoutout to my brain for not starting writing when cued  
> \- speaking of Ranboo, I want to write more fics now help  
> \- also if anyone can point me to that spatula fanart we were promised? I can't find it  
> on actual plot related notes:  
> \- I can use their names now instead of Pig-Mask and Green Boy WOOOOOOOOO  
> \- I fully intend to keep giving Techno green companions until the end of time  
> \- let me know if there are any typos, I might have no beta and no proofreading skills but I do have standards  
> \- seriously I just got tired of not uploading and didn't proofread at all so I apologize in advance  
> \- thank you for reading!


	8. “No, stop bonding! Stop bonding at once!”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> potatoes, arrows, more potatoes, Dream begs for a mentor figure, cliffhanger

Dream isn't stupid. He knows he hasn't made his intentions clear to Technoblade, he knows that the man doesn't even know why he'd demanded to stay at the farm, and he's okay with that. He had never asked to be taught, and he doesn't fault the masked man for ignoring all his questions and having an unnecessarily large potato farm. Dream will take potato barrels over running through dark alleyways any day. The thing is, he still feels like he's learning, if only about potatoes. He knows _a lot_ about potatoes now. Like how to plant them – a foot apart underground – and how they bruise – all too easily – and how far he can carry a barrel full of them, a distance that's growing in bits and pieces every time he tries. He _is_ getting stronger. He can tell. He sleeps on the same haystack each night, and his days are filled with the tolerable tedium of potatoes, potatoes, and more potatoes.

Then, on the one-week anniversary of Dream almost getting killed by a stranger in a pig mask on top of some trees, Technoblade leads him down an unfamiliar path through the east field. Before long, they come upon Techhnoblade's house, which Dream hasn't seen before. He wonders, not for the first time, what else the man in the pig mask doesn't trust him with yet, but the idea that he's been let in on even one of these secrets is surprisingly encouraging. Dream waits outside as Technoblade goes in, and soon the masked man returns with a sack of tools and feathers and a bundle of sticks. That night, the two sit tying arrows for hours as the light fades from the barn window. Technoblade has started to join Dream there after the day's farming for a baked potato and the occasional sandwich. They're usually silent during these dinners, Dream from exhaustion and Technoblade out of habit, but Dream still likes to spark a conversation or two when he can think of something to say.

Tonight, though, the barn is silent, the food has been eaten, and Techno still stayed to make arrows. He's not past the point of scrutinizing every example of Dream's work, and he often finds something to comment on. Dream's getting the hang of fletching, but the time Technoblade spends inspecting still doesn't stop his pile from growing far faster than Dream's.

Eventually, Technoblade seems satisfied by the number of quality arrows on the barn floor, and he gathers them up in his sack and stands to leave. He glances outside through the crack in the doorframe to what Dream can already hear is shaping up to be a mob of mobs. As always, Technoblade barely bats an eye at them, simply sighing and reshuffling his hold on his belongings so as to have a free hand for his sword. Dream's never seen him use the same arm two nights in a row. Technoblade's fearlessness still amazes the masked boy, and it's this awe, along with the drowsiness a good baked potato brings, and maybe a little naive optimism, that prompts him to make a decision somewhere along the lines of " _screw it._ "

Right before Technoblade opens the door, Dream calls out to him.

"Technoblade?"

The crowned man turns back to face him. "Yeah?"

"Would… would you teach me how to fight?"

For a moment, Dream fears the consequences of his actions, remembering a little too late the circumstances by which he's staying here. But Technoblade doesn't seem angry, or even surprised.

"Nah," he says. "I wouldn't do that to you."

He walks out into the dark, and Dream falls asleep that night to a lullaby of zombies falling outside.

He keeps asking. For instance: the next day. Technoblade responds with a confused shake of the head. "I already told you no. Are you feeling okay?"

"Yes," Dream mutters, digging yet another potato hole. "I just wanted to see if you had changed your mind."

He asks again the day after that, and Technoblade keeps his answer to a "No."

When he asks the next morning, the answer is "Stop asking. It's not helping your case."

Dream makes the executive decision to interpret this statement as an acknowledgement that he _has_ a case, rather than a dismissal of it.

He asks again that night.

And the next morning.

And the day after that, as he heads to the house for breakfast potatoes.

And the next day, right before dinner potatoes. Technoblade just stares at him, unimpressed.

Dream wakes up bright and early on his fourteenth morning on the potato farm, exactly two weeks since he stole from a terrifying man in a pig mask and got something like a home out of the deal. It's been a good two weeks. Like he has for the past few days, he takes the path to the cabin first thing in the morning, where Technoblade is waiting for him at the front gate with potatoes and water and comfortable silence to eat in.

But as they stand up from the front steps to head to the potato fields, Technoblade breaks the silence.

"I've decided," he says, in the same monotone as ever. "Your debt will be paid in three days. You can go then."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the next update might be a little slow-coming…  
> (I'm kidding. I have no _idea_ when it'll come!)  
> I know it looks like things are going downhill, but we're finally back to plot instead of character development, which is quite the relief for me and my lack of understanding of the human brain.
> 
> The title of this chapter is a quote taken from Techno's most recent stream, the propaganda one (I think. I watch too many streams these days)
> 
> I wrote this chapter while full-on evil laughing in my head. I actually kind of like it, which is new.  
> Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. Please let me know if there are any typos.


	9. 3 days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dream is way more confident than me and I can't write his POV help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy crap this one took a while. Sorrrry

While he still has the chance, Dream stays up late into the night making new tools and armor. It's nice to have a roof over his head during the process, so he makes two of everything, for the future, and stashes the tools under his haystack. In between potato barrels, he starts sneaking spare apples into a bulging sack he steals from the back of the barn, and practices using it as a pillow. He fixes the holes in his hoodie with barn sack string and scrubs his mask in the river during lunch. Two nights in a row, he collapses onto the hay, a pit of fear in his stomach.

Two mornings in a row, Dream wakes up, fear pit and all, ready to convince Technoblade to let him stay.

The pestering strategy hasn't worked yet, but Dream is sure that Technoblade will eventually extend his welcome. So Dream keeps asking. And asking. At breakfast and lunch and meals in the barn and in the fields and at the house and as often as he can, he begs to stay. Time after time, he pleads his case.

"Technoblade! If you teach me things, I'll be able to help you more."

"What makes you think I need help?"

"Come on! I won't bother you at all."

"All previous experience points to the contrary."

"I won't steal from you anymore!"

"Are you implying that you're still stealing from me?"

Technoblade cuts an intimidating figure, towering over Dream's plain mask with his skull and crown. Dream ignores this. Maybe the debt thing could work for a little while longer!

"Yes! Yes, I am. I'm stealing so much stuff, it's all in the barn, under my hay bale. You should really make me stay for a few more weeks."

"I've decided to forgive you, out of the goodness of my heart," says Technoblade, punching a nearby tree in barely hidden frustration. Dream decides he must be close to giving in.

"Look, I just want to know how to protect myself, and you're really good at fighting!"

Something glints deep in the eyeholes of that pig mask.

"There's more to protecting yourself than fighting. You can learn violence from any soldier or thief, far away away from here."

"See? I'm already learning things. You're a natural!"

"How long have you been planting that potato?"

"Uhhhh."

"Keep working."

As the three days tick away, Dream can feel the stakes rising, and increases his pestering proportionally, but the results don't change.

But fuck the stakes. Dream's never  _ had _ stakes before. Something to lose is a strange sensation. It settles in the pit in Dream's stomach and sits there conspicuously, refusing to let him forget it's there. But Dream is not one for giving up, and high stakes haven't changed that. He brainstorms new strategies to the rhythm of planting potatoes, but sticks to the pestering, realizing that he doesn't want to anger his host. Eventually Technoblade will realize Dream's worth keeping around. Eventually.

"You're insane," Technoblade points out in the same tone he uses for counting potatoes. "You're doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. It's not going to happen."

"You wear a pig skull and a cape and a crown," Dream grumbles back. "I'm not the insane one here."

Technoblade just snorts at that.

"Teach me?"

"Plant."

When Dream wakes up on the third day, he has to steel himself before leaving the barn. it's a lot harder to stop slouching when he'll be on the run again tonight. But he can't start believing it, or it might become true, and Dream can't let this be true, can't go away again, can't let his luck run out quite yet. He'll hide out in the barn if he needs to. He'll make Technoblade drag him away kicking and screaming. He'll run back, again and again, until the masked man gives up. Something about this potato farm makes Dream want to spend every day here, regardless of the consequences. He  _ will _ convince Technoblade.

Despite this knowledge, the walk to Technoblade's house still feels like a march to his execution. As he approaches the gate, he straightens his mask. Does a double take.

There's another green man there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY  
> It's done  
> I hate it  
> How do you write confident people???
> 
> Thank you so much for all the support on this fic hopefully I'll get back on some semblance of a schedule after this trainwreck of a chapter
> 
> \- Guess who green man is??  
>  \- Merry Christmas to those who celebrate  
>  \- Please let me know if there are any typos I write these while watching Ranboo streams at 3AM help


	10. Carve me a smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> green man shows up I can't write swordfights please forgive me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may have sacrificed character consistency for humor. Just a little. it was worth it!  
> I will update the tags later today. also sword fight in this one

Technoblade is not known for his letter-writing skills. He  _ reads _ his mail – of course! who wouldn't? – and he does really appreciate every last line, so what's the big deal if the thought of sitting down to write back is deeply unappealing? To be honest, Techno's more of a gift guy himself, and he usually sends books, or tools, or trinkets he finds in his travels back to his friends. If you think about it, those presents absolutely count as responses.

This foolproof logic does not stop his friends from complaining to him about his letter-writing habits, or lack thereof, at every in-person opportunity.

"All I'm saying is I asked you two questions, Techno. Two simple questions. How hard would it have been to answer them?"

Technoblade stares at Fruitberries.

"Pretty difficult, actually. It might have required actual time and effort."

Fruit lets out a resigned sigh. "One day, you'll write an actual letter."

"It'll be to Phil."

The green man chuckles. Techno smiles with him. What with the potato farming and one-sided correspondence, it's been far too long since he last spoke to his old teacher.

"So," says Fruit, surveying the land they can see from Techno's front porch. "How's your war?"

At the mere mention of the conflict, Techno's hands twitch in the empty air, grasping for a task, or maybe a potato. He steadies them. "Fine," he says simply. "I should… really get back to farming."

Fruit gives him a curious look. "That's a good point. This is the first time I've visited in the past year when you haven't been farming. Is something up?"

Techno fights the urge to squirm under Fruit's familiar scrutiny as the answer to that very question walks into view. Dream is still pretty far down the path, but Fruit hears his footsteps approaching as well, and does a double take as he turns to face the masked child. Techno looks up at the sky, determinedly ignoring everything.

"Techno?"

"Hm?"

"Who's that?"

Techno reluctantly lowers his gaze back to eye level.

"His name is Dream. He is a very annoying child who trespassed on my land and somehow got away with it. Don't worry, he's gonna be leaving tonight."

A pair of green eyebrows rise. "I see," says Fruit, in a way that makes Techno think he's already jumping to conclusions.

"He was only repaying a debt."

"For trespassing?"

"And a little theft."

"Hm."

Dream is closer now, and straightening his mask and spine as he approaches. Techno digs a baked potato and a bottle of water out of his bag and tosses them to Dream, who catches the food easily and takes a bite. Fruit, blessedly, does not comment on this, although Techno can feel his curiosity radiating from two feet away.

Dream, to his credit, waits a whole ten seconds before ruining Techno's carefully crafted silence.

"Good morning, Technoblade."

Techno steadily avoids looking at Fruit's face, which is probably devoid of eyebrow at this point.

"Have you decided to teach me to fight yet?"

Techno tries to do the menacing look through the pig mask, he really tries. But it doesn't seem to work on this kid. In the corner of his eye, Fruit starts shaking in silent laughter. Techno takes a deep breath.

"Nope. Not teaching you, not letting you stay. Finish your potato."

Dream shoves the potato back under his mask with a huff. When he speaks, Techno can tell he's still chewing.

"You sure?"

Behind Techno, Fruit has started hugging himself in an effort to keep still.

"Yep. You done yet?"

Another bite, purposefully loud, rings out from behind Dream's blank mask. Skull stares at eyes for an almost awkward amount of time. Finally, Dream lowers an empty hand.

"Done."

"Okay. West field, planting today. Get going."

"Now hold on, Techno. Aren't you going to introduce me to your new friend?"

Techno is feeling violent urges.

"Dream, this is Fruit. Fruit, this is Dream. Are we done here?"

The older green man extended a hand, which Dream carefully takes.

"I'm an old friend of Techno's," he said. "Let me know if he gives you a hard time."

"Hello Fruit," says Dream, tilting his head in consideration. "Do you think you could convince Techno to let me stay here past tonight, and teach me how to kill mobs like he does?"

Fruit chuckles. "I can do my best," he says. "What would you do if he agreed?"

Dream stills, and Techno almost can see whatever brain cells the kid has left sweating. Clearly he hadn't thought that far ahead. But when Green Boy's shoulders sink by a fraction of an inch, Techno reads desperation in the movement. He can feel the beginnings of a headache coming on.

"I'll… I'll learn to fight all the monsters. And I won't run away from them. And then I'll kill them all, and be the best fighter ever."

Technoblade stifles a groan –  _ that's never going to happen, kid _ – but Fruitberries just stares down at the green child looking up at him.

"Lead the way to the potato field, Dream. Techno and I are going to leave you to do the farming for a while." The look Fruit sends Techno's way brooks no disagreement, but as soon as Dream is out of hearing range, Techno makes his displeasure clear.

"I need to farm potatoes, Fruit."

"You have single-handedly farmed more potatoes than anyone else in over a hundred-mile radius. You can take a few minutes of conversation with me." Dream turns into the west field, and Fruit waves to him as they pass.

"And what's your play here? Do you honestly think you can convince me to teach that hellhound how to fight?"

Instead of answering, Fruit puts a hand on Techno's shoulder and steers their way through the potato field, careful not to trample a single spud, to the back of the barn.

"Maybe I do, maybe I don't."

There, he takes a few steps back and motions for Techno to do the same.

Fruit stretches. A casual reach in the air, then back down – Techno can already tell where this is going, and he likes it. It's been a while since he's had a worthy opponent. He sheds his cloak. Fruit glances over from where he's contorted himself into a ball on the ground and raises an eyebrow.

"Really, Techno? We've been over this. If you're--"

"--Going to wear the cloaks and crap everywhere, I might as well learn to fight in them, yeah, I know. What about 'take every advantage your opponent gives you?' I always thought that one was nice."

Fruit says nothing in response, just springs up off the ground with a smile. Techno loves that smile for how much it  _ scares  _ him. Not much can do that to the Blood God anymore.

"I did give you that warning," Fruit says, already ready. "I made it clear what is about to happen. And let me make it more clear – this is going to be a fair fight. No tricks, no armor, just sword to sword." He hands Techno a dull iron weapon and takes another for himself from his pack.

"Do you have those on you at all times?" Techno asks mildly, shrugging off more layers. It's a rhetorical question (Fruit does, and they both know it), but Techno asks anyway, because he's just that kind of nice, talkative guy. They haven't had a clean match in a while. This could be interesting, and his stomach is buzzing with adrenaline.

Instead of answering, Fruit counters with a question of his own. "Why are we doing this?" he asks Techno, raising his sword.

"Because you feel threatened now that I have a second green person in my life?" Techno doesn't usually joke like this, but Fruit's serious expression is making him nervous, so throwing the guy off a little can't hurt.

Fruit chuckles. "No. In fact, I think  _ you're _ the one feeling threatened. Because you know that if you trained this kid like we both know you can, he would surpass your skill level eventually, and you're afraid of that."

Techno tenses. Usually  _ he's _ the blunt one in serious conversations, not the other way around. He raises his sword to meet Fruit's.

"Let's just do the violence thing."

"Okay." Fruit pasuses. "Go."

Iron meets iron with a clash, and then again, lower, and again, above, each testing the other to see if anything has changed since the last time they sparred. Fruit twists his way behind Techno's back, and Techno whirls to meet his weapon.  _ Clang _ . He advances, Fruit deflects. There's no rhythm when they fight, hasn't been since Techno got to a decent skill level, but the unsteady attacks are still a familiar sensation, and Techno can let his instincts take over as the rest of his brain keeps a careful eye out in case Fruit tries anything new. One of them will eventually – they're too evenly matched at regular sword fighting at this point, and the only direction either can improve in is sideways, figuring out new techniques on their own.

Techno doesn't want to be the first one to make that move, but neither does Fruit. Now that they've both gotten comfortable, breaking the rhythm is dangerous. So he's a little surprised when the green man leaps into the air and throws himself at his former student. In the past, Fruit has been willing to keep a steady pace for hours to force Techno to take a risk, but he probably doesn't want this fight to last all day. Techno easily sidesteps Fruit's body and hopes the man won't be able to control his momentum, but he has a feeling this is an eventuality Fruit is prepared for.

So it's Techno's turn to leap into the air, and when he lands he's facing Fruit's side, and then Fruit's sword, in quick succession, because this man  _ does not stop moving _ .

They sink into a flurry of sharp metal and dodging, and when the dust settles the two fall to the grass, Techno holding his sword to Fruit's throat. Panting, Techno grabs Fruit's sword with his free hand and chucks it towards the barn, where it bounces lightly off the wall and falls to the ground. Fruit surrenders with a light smile and offers his hand to Techno, who pulls them both up. Fruit retrieves the tossed sword and they stare at each other for a moment before Fruit holds out a hand, which Techno takes.

"Good job," says the green man with a grin. "You haven't lost your touch."

"Neither have you," says Techno. They shake, and let go, but Fruit doesn't lower the intensity of his gaze. Techno squirms. Just a little. "So, what was the point of that?"

Fruit doesn't answer.

"Did you let me win? Are you trying to act like I'm better than you? That you're happy with not being the best anymore?"

Fruit shakes his head and finally breaks eye contact. Techno can't help but sigh in relief. "I would never go easy on you, Techno. There'd be no point."

He lets that sink in with a light smile, his eyes trained on the sky. It's almost noon.

"How long are you staying?" asks Techno, trying not to imply which kind of answer he wants.

"A few days, maybe a week. As long as I need to."

Techno starts walking back towards the fields, where he can see a small green, masked figure hunched over a row of newly planted potatoes. He sighs, because it's been a long time since he's done something he's so scared of regretting.

"I'll stay in the barn," says Fruit. Techno is so lucky to have him. "Good luck."

Techno nods, anxiety already roaring through his mind. "Thanks."

Fruit turns into the barn and Techno takes the long walk through the potato fields. Potato fields that will never be so peaceful again.

"Hey, Green Boy!"

The white mask looks up, and Techno groans internally.

"Okay."

"O-Okay?"

"Okay."

"You'll be my teacher?"

"Mmm, no. How about you be my apprentice."

The kid stays silent for a long moment. Techno thinks he might be in shock. And then –

"YES! I  _ knew _ you would say yes!" The kid starts doing a dance. Right in the middle of Techno's potato field. It's going to be a long day.

"We'll start tomorrow," Techno says, and then, out of the kindness of his heart, "Take the day off. Return everything you've been stealing from me and don't break anything."

"Where do I put the tools?"

That's a good question, actually.

"Uhh… Are any of them better than iron?"

"No."

"Then I don't actually care. Have a nice day."

Dream just stands there with his creepy eye holes staring at Techno.

"Leave, small child. I have farming to do."

Dream heads towards the barn, where Techno hopes Fruit will keep him occupied for a while. This might be his last chance to get some peaceful, solitary farming done by himself for a long while.

  
When Techno arrives in the barn that night, there's a new addition to Dream's mask. He's carved a smile that was clearly supposed to be happy, but it just looks eerie. Techno doesn't mind. He's no stranger to creepy masks. Wait –  _ why did Fruit lend the kid a knife _ ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAHAHA ALL OF YOU WERE WRONG ABOUT THE GREEN MAN HAHAHAplease don't hate me I promise to put Phil in! --  
> On that note, sorry if I didn't respond to your comment on the last one, I was scared to say too much and ridiculously excited about this chapter
> 
> So I love how the shortest chapter yet took me three days to write but I churned this one out in under a day... (or something I have completely lost my sense of time)  
> Also, chances are this chapter is gonna come out right around the 200 kudos mark which is just nuts, thank you all so much! Fun fact: at 216, this will officially have more kudos than all my other works combined. I LOVE THIS FANDOM.
> 
> Finally, and this is important: there needs to be more mentor!fruit content out there, it's just the best trope, in this essay I will-


	11. TRAINING MONTAGE (the first)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which I return from the dead with a training montage chapter that's like half training montage, half Technoblade angst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for mentions of trauma

Techno wakes up the inhabitant of his barn bright and early. Well, not exactly bright – it _is_ still dark out – but that's irrelevant. Fruit, who stayed in Techno's spare bedroom last night, is already off to the village with a vague excuse to get out of Techno's way on what is absolutely going to be a hellishly awkward day. Techno appreciates this. You'd never get him to admit it, but he's been up all night thinking about how to handle this first day, trying to dredge up his earliest memories of training with Phil and Fruit and wondering how the hell they dealt with him when _he_ was a loud, overconfident child. At one point, he almost woke up Fruit to beg for help, but he'd stopped with his hand on the doorknob and set himself instead to the task of constructing a simple wooden sword and a belt that can hold it.

Techno drags his new apprentice out to the middle of his front yard and shows the weapon to him.

"First things first," Techno says, slipping into his most casually sarcastic monotone, which he'd decided to use during last night's worrying. "This is the pointy end. Don't get stabbed by it."

The smiley face nods solemnly. “Got it”

"Second thing: how old are you?" No matter what the answer is, Techno knows that Dream will be small for his age. But once the malnourishment wears off, he needs to be certain he won't break the kid.

"I don't know. I remember being seven, but then…” Dream trails off. "I've lost track."

More than seven. That is… not helpful at all.

"Any clue how many years it might have been since you were seven?"

Dream shrugs. “Four, maybe? Five? Give or take. It's not like I was having parties every year."

Techno groans internally.

"Alright. We will assume you are approximately eleven. Then I guess it’s time for thing number three, and lesson number one of protecting yourself: Never be caught without a weapon at your side."

He presses the sword and sheath into Dream's hands. Dream looks up at him.

"This is mine?"

"For now. We'll get you a better one when you're ready." He glares down at the boy. "If I catch you without it, I will not hesitate to attack you."

There's a short pause as Dream tries to figure out how a belt works. When he does, his mask's eye holes look directly into Techno's.

"Got it."

"Alright. Now on to the fighting part."

For the rest of the morning, Techno takes his apprentice through all the simplest sword moves he knows. It's hard to remember being this inexperienced, but at least the kid has good instincts, and he picks things up fairly quickly.

After lunch, however, Techno leads them back to the potato fields. He can hear Dream take a breath to start complaining, and holds up a hand.

"You need to get stronger, and I need potatoes. I _could_ just make you do push ups, but that wouldn't be as productive, now, would it?"

"No, I guess not, " Dream says, and walks over to the nearest stack of barrels with a resigned sigh.

A few barrels in, Dream pokes his head out of the barn, calling "Bathroom!" and turning to sprint behind the barn. Techno ignores this, but as soon as he sees Dream coming back down the path, he turns on his heel and strides towards the child. Two seconds later, Dream is staring up at him from the dusty path, wheezing.

"What the hell was that for?' asks an annoyed voice from behind the smiling mask.

"Where's your sword?" Techno asks in response, glaring down.

"Oh."

"Oh?"

"I.. left it behind the barn?"

"Was that a question?"

"No! I left it behind the barn," Dream says, propping himself up on his elbows."Can I get up now?"

"Nah, I was planning on having you do sit-ups anyway. You can start now.”

With a sigh, Dream lowers himself back down, and Techno follows suit, crouching to place a casual hand over Dream’s feet.

He can feel the boy’s glare from behind the mask, and makes sure to return an appropriately evil glare through his.

“Aand… sit up.”

_*timeskip asterisks*_

About thirty minutes later, Techno helpfully peels his apprentice off the ground. He almost entertains the idea that Dream will just give up and leave, but this fleeting hope is cut short when Dream pushes away Techno’s offered hand and groans to his feet.

“You’re not going to scare me away,” he says. Techno can hear the exhaustion in his voice and almost cringes. There’s no _point_ to putting this kid in pain, except that he asked for it. Like an idiot. Like someone attracted to violence and power – like someone like Technoblade. Techno sighs.

“You’re probably right. Anyway, you have thirty seconds to be back here with your sword or you’re going back on the ground.”

Dream’s squeak as he turns tail and sprints towards the barn is not as satisfying as Techno would like it to be.

_*more timeskip asterisks*_

Fruit gets back to the farm late that night, after Dream is asleep. Techno waits up for him at the kitchen table, and Fruit sits down as soon as he sees his friend. “What’s up, Techno?”

Techno groans and sets his pig skull aside, choosing to hide his face in his much more comfortable hands.

“Back when we were camping, Fruit.” His voice comes out muffled.

“Yeah?”

“What would you have done if, hypothetically, I’d forgotten my sword behind a tree?”

“Ah. And why do you ask, hypothetically?”

Techno groans, but hesitantly summarizes the day’s events from behind his hands. He hasn’t felt this kind of anxiety in a long time. How many years has it been since he tried something this unfamiliar?

After hearing him out, Fruit leans back and tilts his head in thought. Then he chuckles. “Actually, you did do that once.”

That makes Techno look up. It’s maybe the third time Fruit’s seen him without the mask since he got it, but thankfully the green man chooses not to comment on his face.

“I did?”

“Yeah… it was maybe the first week you were with me. We weren’t even on the road yet, we were still on my land by the village.”

“Oh.” Techno had almost forgotten Fruit owned land, the man was always on the move.

“It has been a while, huh.”

“Yup… What happened?”

“Well you did pretty much the same thing Dream did, from what I heard. I sent you out to the log pile, you took a pee break and forgot the sword existed.”

“And… what did you do?” Techno asks, bracing himself to hear how badly he’d screwed up today.

“I think I made you run,” Fruit says, grimacing at the memory. “Around the house for… half an hour, maybe? You were more of a ‘hit the problem over the head’ kid, you did _not_ like to run. I think it got the message across.”

Techno’s sitting up straight now. “So I didn’t traumatize Dream?”

Fruit blinks at him. “ _That’s_ what you’re worried about? Techno.” He looks over at his old student who’s turned student again now, thrown in the deep end and asking for guidance. He shakes his head. “No, Techno, you did not traumatize Dream. He would probably have loved running for thirty minutes, you made a good call. Lemme put it this way – do you remember that day I made you run?”

“Not that particular time, no.” Fruit laughs at that, and Techno hisses at him like the mature adult he is. “But then again, I have a whole lifetime of traumatic experiences to draw off of, so…”

The two fall silent for a moment, and both their expressions sink into unreadable contemplation.

“Wait a minute.”

Fruit looks up. Techno seems even more agitated than before.

“Do you think I’ll turn him into that?”

“Into…?”

“Into… I don’t know, Fruit, a Blood God? A fighter? A murderer? There’s no reason for him to learn to fight, and knowing is only going to make things harder for his future self. Why am I _doing_ this?”

Fruit is silent for a moment. And then –

“There was no reason for you to learn to fight, either, Techno.”

Techno does not look convinced.

“There was no war or conflict we were training you for. Phil and I both knew that, and we also knew we were giving you the skills to start one.”

“Then… why did you do it?”

Fruit’s voice is quiet. “Because you were already a fighter, Techno. You survived on your own for years, and even when Phil found you, half the time he let you go to the village you came back with a bloody nose. We saw the writing on the wall, and we decided to make sure you wouldn’t get yourself killed before the age of ten.”

Techno is startled for a moment.

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Oh.”

“Do you… regret teaching me?”

Fruit thinks about this for a moment. “Do you regret learning?”

Techno thinks, too. He thinks of all the blood on his hands, and the voices in his head, and the sleep he’s lost over their names. He thinks of Fruit, and Phil, his potions and potatoes. He thinks _come back here_ until his earliest memories listen to him, and then he remembers the fear.

“No,” says Technoblade. “I don’t.”

“Then I don’t either,” says Fruit. “I regret things I did while training you, and I think Phil does too, but I’m glad you can protect yourself, and that you carved yourself a place in the world.”

They sit in silence for a while at Techno’s dinner table, two feet apart from each other, fighting totally separate battles. Finally, Techno has had enough.

“Well this has been far too sincere,” he says. “Want some dinner?”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LONG NOTE I'M SORRY  
> 1\. WOO TRAINING MONTAGE!!! I love training montages, especially in fanfiction (recs are welcome), so if I accidentally plagiarized any other training montage fics, I am very sorry and honestly I’m happy to credit them if you notice anything.  
> 2\. I definitely did not spent two whole days trying to decide how old to make Dream, that does not seem like a thing I would do. But while I was away panicking about a fictional character’s age, this fic passed two amazing milestones: 200 kudos (GASP! AMAZING! THANK YOU SO MUCH) and 216 kudos, which is officially more than every other fic I have written combined. I love writing for active fandoms.  
> 3\. Finally, I've decided to try to work out the chronology of this for the future, so if you have any characters you want me to put on the list to shoehorn in, let me know.  
> As always, let me know if there are any typos.  
> Thank you so much for reading, I hope you liked it!


	12. sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm bad at this, have a goggle boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw:
> 
> panic attack

As Techno gets the hang of not threatening Dream with violence (because the kid gets very excited at the prospect of fighting Techno, for some reason), the road calls to Fruit again. He leaves at dawn a few days later with a half-apologetic smile and a bag filled with more potatoes than he ever thought possible. Techno had insisted, and watched him go with bitter nostalgia. They hadn’t gotten to train as much as they usually did, or wake up at sunrise to take a walk, or sit up all night in companionable silence until one or both of them fell asleep, because they knew the other would keep them safe. Techno quietly convinces himself that he doesn’t mind, because he  _ knows _ he can trust Fruit just like he knows he can trust Phil, and he shouldn’t need any more proof.

Techno is very good at lying to himself, he thinks as his nerves  don’t settle.

A few hours later, he knocks loudly on the barn door and Dream pops his head out a few seconds later for breakfast. What with a roof over his head and three solid (if potato-filled) meals a day, the kid is already shooting up like a weed. Techno really needs to weed the non-potato field. Maybe he can make Dream do it. But not today. Today is market day, and Techno can't help but think Fruit left just in time, the bastard.

"We're going into the village," he says to Dream as he hands over breakfast. His mind is already spinning with exchange rates, re-evaluating all of his disposable possessions for what a trader might give for them, stacking potato barrels in his head, so it takes him a few moments to notice that Dream isn't eating his breakfast.

In fact, the kid isn't doing much of anything, except for standing stock-still… except for the occasional tremble.

This cannot possibly have a good explanation.

Techno takes a cautionary look around, not because he doesn't know whether there's a terrifying monster behind him, but because there's always a chance that the lessons he's learned from years of paranoia and jumping at every squirrel were forgotten overnight. Luckily for Techno's self-confidence, there's no monsters standing in his potato field.

"... Dream?"

The kid doesn't answer, just shakes his head almost imperceptibly, and  _ man _ is the paranoia coming in handy today. Techno thinks he might know what's going on. He is the Blood God after all – a soldier before all else. Even though he can't see Dream's eyes through that godforsaken mask, he knows he's seen the look in them before, with Fruit, and Phil, and nameless faces facing the point of his sword. He reaches a hand out, palm up, slowly, and lets it rest it Dream's field of vision.

"Dream. Can... you... hear... me." It's situations like this where Techno is very grateful for his monotone. Dream shakes his head again, and Techno snorts softly to himself. At least there's something in that brain still awake to the outside world. "Breathe, Dream," he says, kindly, and then again commands "breathe," in the voice he especially reserves for terrifying his apprentice into obedience. That one seems to startle something in the kid, who begins to hyperventilate. Okay, time to back up a moment. Techno has experience counting breaths, and a few moments later, Dream seems to have calmed down enough to hear a coherent sentence.

"What's wrong with the village, Dream?"

"They'll kill me."

_ Oh. _

"Why would they do that?"

He  _ almost _ gets Dream into 'answering a question' mode, where the kid could prattle on for weeks, he can tell from the way Dream uncurls himself, but the transformation doesn't finish. The boy in green is standing halfway between the ground and his true height, still shaking his head, although less frantically.

"Please, I- I'll go next time I promise, just not right this second when I didn't know and I  _ can't _ go to a village, Technoblade, I'm a--"

He trails off, but Techno dreads what the end of that sentence might have been, the voices Dream must be hearing right now. For the sake of the kid, Techno fights to keep the nervous smile out of his voice.

"You're a child. And no one in the village is going to hurt you."

Dream straightens a few more inches. "I don't believe you."

"I can prove it if you want." Techno puts a hand on his sword to get the full message across:  _ whatever it takes _ . Because this village is full of the least threatening bunch of idiots Technoblade has ever had the misfortune of living near, and if Dream needs to believe that Techno will fight them all for him, so be it. After a few more minutes of convincing, Technoblade and his apprentice set off towards the village.

A few bloodless steps into the village square and Dream's anxieties seem to melt away. It's all Techno can do to stop him from bumping into everyone they pass as the kid stares at store windows in wonder. And after about the fifth blatantly staring shopkeeper, Techno realizes that he just passed up a free chance to not get weird looks in the village for another day. Welp. Trading is going to be impossible with Dream around.

"Hear that noise, Dream?"

"Huh? No- what noise?"

Techno waves in the direction that children are shouting in.

"That noise. I'll do the trading, you go over there and figure out who's making it."

* _ pov change asterisks bcs I'm too lazy to justify my writing choices _ *

Dream trails Technoblade for a few more minutes, but haggling over potatoes seems like more trouble than it's worth, so he shakes off his nerves and heads towards the laughing. The motion goes against years of learning to steer clear of other kids – their parents never wanted him around. But he has a right to be here now, he reminds himself. He isn't a criminal.

As he rounds the next corner, he's met with a pair of extremely fogged up goggles very much in his personal space. Goggle-wearer and Dream collide with a pair of  _ very _ grown-up sounding shrieks that bring three more kids running. Dream dusts himself off as they arrive on the corner, and hurries to his feet, just in case.

"Which of you screamed like a little girl?" asks the kid in the lead. He's wearing an old shirtsleeve as a headband and a shirt that was probably white at some point. Dream points at goggle-boy. Goggle-boy points back.

"So both of you did. Ha!" headband devolves into high-pitched laughter, but Dream glances and goggle-boy, and a pact is made.

"No, it was my sister," says goggle-boy.

"You don't have a sister," says headband, taking a break from his hysterics.

Dream crosses his arms "Yes he does, I saw her."

Headband blinks at him. "No he doesn't. Why are you wearing that thing on your face?"

"Why are you wearing that thing on your head?" Goggle-boy says, without missing a beat.

Ever-loyal to his newfound alliance, Dream pipes up. "Yeah, why are you wearing it?"

"I asked first."

"But we asked twice," says Dream.

One staring contest later (Dream does not usually lose staring contests, perks of having a fake face) headband shrugs. "I don't know."

"Then I don't know either."

"I'm Sapnap. Wanna play tag with us?"

* _ timeskip asterisks bcs I'm still lazy _ *

By the time Dream hears Techno calling him from the square, he knows that goggle-boy is George, which Dream thinks is a weird name, and that the kids following Sapnap were Bad and Ant. After complaining about having to go just quietly enough that Technoblade shouldn't be able to hear him, he walks off cheerfully with the promise to return as soon as he can. By this point, Technoblade has already been accosted by another villager. She has a friendly smile, and she keeps glancing over at Dream, but she walks away before he reaches them. But Dream's still riding the high of being completely, officially banned from playing tag, because no one can keep up with him, and he decides to ignore the villager in favor of telling Technoblade all about his new friends, which lasts them all the way back to the farm.

"Anyway, when are we going back?" he asks. He knows it won't be soon; he's been here for weeks and today was the first he'd heard of the village. But it can't hurt to start wearing Techno down.

"Monday, probably," Techno says. "I had apparently forgotten that you are a child, and have to go to school, so. We should get on that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no playing tag for you dream  
> shit I gotta update the tags
> 
> so school is hell and I hate everything but it's been long enough so I stayed up all night to finish whatever the heck this chapter was (hint: a fever dream).  
> also, my brain decided to start another fic, but based on previous experience I'm gonna write the whole thing before I post a word of it.
> 
> I will try to have an upload schedule from now on, I'm thinking once a week.
> 
> please let me know about any typos (again: stayed up all night) and internet validation is always appreciated thank you very much for reading


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